


I Think You Should Be Alone With Me

by newbuddiefan



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Eddie wants to make things better, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Loneliness, M/M, Mutual Pining, buck is sad, mentions of Christopher Diaz - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:35:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23924719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newbuddiefan/pseuds/newbuddiefan
Summary: Title comes from the song ‘Lonely’ by Diplo x The Jonas Brothers.Buck has been sad all week and Eddie makes it his mission to find out why. Buck opens up about his feelings and Eddie takes it as a chance to talk about his as well.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 218





	I Think You Should Be Alone With Me

Something was off with Buck, Eddie knew that. Ever since the day he wanted to celebrate with the team and everyone had turned him down, Buck hadn’t been the same. Eddie knew he’d met Red at a bar and after trying to help him reconnect with his lost love, the man had died. His death hit Buck hard and Eddie didn’t know why.

It was a Friday afternoon and the team was counting down the minutes to the end of their shift, killing the time with snacks at the kitchen table. Buck stood up to go to the bathroom and once he was out of sight, Eddie leant forward in his chair.

“Does anyone know what’s up with Buck? He seems really sad this week.”

“He does,” Bobby agreed, “Maybe he’s still dealing with the loss of his new friend. He probably just needs a little time.”

“Maddie was over at his place the other night and said he opened up to her. Apparently he was feeling lonely,” Chimney answered, “I didn’t want to press her, it’s not right to ask her personal things about Buck’s emotions when I work with him.”

“I get that,” Eddie nodded, “I don’t like seeing him like this.”

“Out of all of us, I’d have thought you’d be the one to know what’s going on,” Hen said to Eddie.

“You’re right. He’s my best friend, I should know.”

Hen shared a smirk with Chimney, “Yeah… best friends.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Eddie asked, his heart pumping a little harder in his chest. He thought his crush on Buck was his secret; he’d never utter a word to anyone about it. Mostly because he was sure Buck didn’t feel the same way and he knew the rest of the team would never let him live it down.

“Y’all really think ‘best friends’ look at each other the way you two do?” Hen asked like she was stating the obvious.

“Did you even see the footage of Buck calling out your name when you were buried underground?” Chimney asked.

“Yeah I did. What about it?” Eddie quizzed, Hen and Chimney sharing an amused look.

“Wow, so oblivious,” Hen laughed.

The footage of Buck had been etched in Eddie’s memory for weeks. He would never forget seeing the way Buck dug in the wet ground as he searched for him, the anguish on his face as Bobby pulled him away. Eddie watched it enough times to convince himself that Buck could have feelings for him. The he watched it a few more times to telling himself that no, that was just Buck being Buck. Buck cared for his friends more than anything, he would have acted the same way if it were Hen, Chimney or Bobby down there instead of him.

“Okay you two, give it a rest. Let them figure it out on their own,” Bobby cut in.

“Figure what out?” Buck asked as he bounded up the last stair and made his way back to the kitchen table where the team was sitting.

“Nothing you need to concern yourself with,” Bobby told him. Buck cocked his head, an eyebrow raised in confusion. Eddie loved when Buck did that, there was nothing cuter than a confused Evan Buckley. He was like a puppy dog.

“Okay,” Buck said, stretching out the simple four letter word. Buck took his seat again, the one next to Eddie, reaching for a handful of crisps from a bowl on the table. Normally when they were having time off, Buck would ask everyone what their plans were. Not today though, he just sat there quietly munching his crisps.

“What’s everyone doing this weekend?” Hen asked Buck’s usual question.

“I’ve got some projects to do around the house. Athena has given me a long list of things she wants done,” Bobby offered up.

“Maddie and I are going to a nice little B&B about three hours away, we need to get out of the city. You?” Chimney replied.

“Karen and I are going to see her parents. Can’t wait,” Hen said, the sarcasm strong.

“I’m not too sure what I’m doing yet. Christopher has a sleep over tomorrow night at his best friend’s house and then Sunday they’ll go straight to a birthday party. Might just be a quiet one,” Eddie gave the group a close-lipped smile. They all turned to look at Buck.

“What about you Buckaroo? Big plans this weekend?” Hen asked and he shook his head.

“Nope. None at all,” he mumbled. Before anyone could say anything, the next shifts crew made their way up the stairs, the loft filling with their chatter.

“Guess it’s clock off time. See you guys Monday,” Bobby waved them off as they said hello to the next shift. They changed quickly, eager to get out of the station. Buck didn’t say a word and was the first one to say goodbye and leave the change room. Eddie didn’t even finish tying his shoes; he grabbed his duffel, called out a farewell to the team and hastily followed Buck to the staff car park. He caught up just as Buck unlocked his jeep.

“Buck, wait up,” Eddie called.

“What’s up?” Buck turned to ask.

“Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” Buck said, giving him a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“No, you’re not. You know you can talk to me, right?” Eddie asked as Buck opened his car door.

“I am, I swear. Have a good weekend, Eds,” Buck slid into the driver seat and closed the door.

“Buck, c’mon man,” Eddie’s voice was drowned out by the sound of Buck’s car starting. Buck drove off without even a wave, leaving Eddie wondering what the hell had just happened. Was Buck mad at him? He racked his brain, going through the past week or two to figure out what he could have possibly done to Buck that would make him act this way, but nothing came to mind.

As he drove home to Christopher, Eddie couldn’t stop thinking about Buck. He said bye to Carla, ordered in a pizza and put on a movie to watch with his son. His heart just wasn’t in it though, Finding Nemo not enough of a distraction for his thoughts. Normally he would have invited the other man, the idea of a night in with his two favourite people just what he wanted after a long week. But Buck hadn’t given him a chance, he’d driven off without Eddie being able to ask him over.

After a fitful night’s sleep, Eddie still couldn’t get the man out of his head. He needed to know what had made Buck this sad. So, after dropping Christopher off at his best friend’s house, Eddie drove to Buck’s. He sat in his truck, stewing over whether he should knock on the door or call Buck to let him know he was here. Buck’s jeep was parked in its spot and Eddie could see movement behind the curtains in his apartment.

_Hey, you home? Want to do something tonight?_

Eddie reread the text over again, hitting send before he could overthink it. His phone pinged a minute later, Buck’s name across the screen.

_Can’t. I’m out._

Eddie double checked the car spot, it was definitely Buck’s jeep parked there. He looked up at Buck’s windows but there was no longer any movement. However, another curtain that had previously been open had been closed.

_Really? Then why is your car in its spot and I can see you moving in your windows?_

Eddie kept his eyes on Buck’s apartment, watching as the curtains in one window opened an inch before being shut. Eddie’s phone went off again with a message from Buck.

_Come up. But I’m not really feeling like company tonight._

Eddie hopped out of his car, jogging across the road and up the stairs to Buck’s apartment, knocking lightly on the door. A few seconds passed and then it swung open, a dishevelled looking Buck standing there.

“Hey, Christopher off at his sleepover?”

“Yeah, I just dropped him off,” Eddie said, “Can I come in?”

“Look, Eds, I’m not really up for it tonight,” Buck sighed, not making eye contact with him.

“I’m not gonna take no as an answer. I’ve got nowhere else to be tonight, I wanna hang out with my best friend,” Eddie gave him a big smile, hoping it would help lighten up Buck’s mood.

\---------------------------------------------

Buck stood at his open front door, Eddie standing before him with a grin on his face. Buck knew he wasn’t going to leave, that he had pushed him away too many times this week for Eddie to let it happen again.

“Fine,” Buck caved, opening the front door fully so Eddie could step in. “Do you want a beer?”

“Sure,” Eddie said, his gaze wandering around Buck’s unusually messy apartment as he followed him to the kitchen. Buck pulled a beer out of the fridge, uncapping it before handing it to Eddie.

“Thanks man,” Eddie said, taking a sip.

“Why are you here, Eddie?” Buck asked, breaking the eerie silence that had fallen between them.

“Because man, you’re my best friend. And you’re clearly not doing okay.”

“I’m fine, I-”

“It doesn’t matter how many times you _tell_ me you’re fine, Buck. I _know_ that you aren’t.”

Buck turned on his heel, heading for the lounge room. He could feel himself tearing up and he didn’t want to cry, not tonight. He’d done that enough this week.

“Buck, I’m talking to you,” Eddie called as Buck threw himself onto the couch. Buck heard the other man sigh, followed by the sound of his footsteps. Eddie appeared in view, walking around the coffee table to take the seat next to Buck.

“I’m sorry, Eddie, I’m… these last couple weeks have been an eye opener for me,” Buck muttered.

“I can tell. Do you want to talk about it?”

Buck watched Eddie shift positions from the corner of his eye, moving his body so he was now angled towards him.

“I think meeting Red just… reinforced some things for me.”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact that if you take away the 118, I don’t really have anybody in my life. Everyone leaves me,” Buck said, absentmindedly picking at the label on his beer bottle.

“Buck, that’s not true,” Eddie replied, his voice soft.

“But it is. Everyone has someone but me. Bobby has Athena, Hen has Karen and the kids, Chimney has Maddie,” Buck paused, reinforcing his last point with “Maddie has Chimney. And you have Christopher. Who do I have?”

“You have me. I already told you, what happened with Red isn’t going to happen to us,” Eddie insisted but Buck shook his head.

“You say that now but if I left the 118, I’d have nobody. Everyone leaves me. Abby didn’t even say goodbye, she just ghosted. Ali couldn’t handle me being in this job so she left too, right after a truck fell on me. Even Maddie left, twice. And yeah, she’s back now but she has Chim and I’m happy for her. After everything she went through with Doug, she needs someone who’s gonna treat her the way she deserves. But one day they’ll settle down, marry, have kids and I’ll probably just be left by myself again,” Buck managed to get this all out before he started to cry.

“Buck,” Eddie shuffled closer to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m just so lonely, Eddie,” he admitted, looking over at Eddie for the first time since they had come into the lounge room.

“I get it Buck, I really do,” Eddie’s said, giving Buck’s shoulder a squeeze, “We’ve all been here before and it’s hard. Maddie is always going to be there for you, she’s your sister and she loves you. I’m always going to be here for you too. Whatever you need, I’m here.”

“You have Christopher.”

“So do you,” Eddie told him, “Do you think that if you left the 118, I would just cut you out of my life? Hold up, this better not be your way of telling me you’re leaving because I’ll be mad.”

“I’m not,” Buck let out a small laugh, “I swear.”

“Good, because I promise I’m not leaving you. And neither is Christopher. He loves you, man. Imagine if I had to explain to him why you aren’t around. He was already sad you couldn’t make it to his first sleepover.”

“Oh, I didn’t… he wanted me there?” Buck asked, his mood elevating for the first time in weeks.

“Of course he did. We both wanted you there,” Eddie said, “I could have done with your help. Next time he hosts I need the back up.”

“You can handle getting punched in the ring but you can’t handle a bunch of nine year olds?” Buck joked and Eddie let out a laugh. That sound, the contagiousness of Eddie’s happiness, made some of Buck’s worries disappear.

“There he is, there’s Buck,” Eddie took a sip of his beer, “And I already told you it wasn’t a ring.”

“Eh, technicalities.”

“In all seriousness Buck, I’m not going anywhere,” Eddie told him, “Not if I can help it. This job, it takes a lot out of us and we risk our lives every damn day. But despite everything we’ve been through, I never wanna cause you any pain. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, not after seeing that video of you when I was underground.”

Buck froze, “You saw that?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Well, that’s embarrassing,” Buck said, finishing his beer.

Buck hadn’t even watched the clip of him screaming Eddie’s name. He didn’t have to, he lived through it and the last thing he wanted was to watch the moment he thought he’d lost the man he loved. The pain he felt that day, thinking Eddie was dead, was unbearable. They’d had plenty of bad experiences but this one had Buck feeling like his heart at been ripped out of his chest. When Eddie had made it out alive and Buck heard his voice, it was like a weight had been lifted of his chest, he could breathe again.

“It wasn’t. It helped me realised that I have people that care about me,” Eddie said, his face softening as he stared at Buck.

“Of course you do. You’ve got Chris, abuela-”

“No Buck, people who aren’t my blood,” Eddie drained his beer, placing the bottle on the table, “Do you wanna know something, Buck?”

“Depends, what is it?”

“The truth is, I’m lonely too,” Eddie admitted. Buck opened his mouth but before any words could come out, Eddie shook his head.

“Don’t. Don’t go bringing up Christopher again,” Eddie let out a deep sigh, edging a little closer to Buck, “I love him, so much that it makes my heart ache. I will never feel like I’m enough for him but I try my damn best every day. He’s my world.”

“He’s an amazing kid,” Buck said. He also had a lot of love for the boy, he knew Christopher was special and admired his strength and courage.

“He is,” Eddie smiled, his thoughts drifting off to his son, “And I know I’ll always have him. But I feel like I’m missing something. I get home from work and can have a great night in with Christopher, but I still go to bed alone. When I have a bad day at work I can hug my son, but I don’t have another adult to talk about it with. So yeah, I’m lonely, Buck.”

“I didn’t know you felt like that,” Buck’s voice was soft.

“I don’t talk about it. Kinda like you don’t,” Eddie chuckled and Buck gave him a small smile.

“Maybe we should work on our communication,” Buck suggested.

“That sounds like a good idea.”

Eddie’s hand moved from Buck’s shoulder to his face, wiping away some of the tears on one cheek with his thumb. Involuntarily, Buck closed his eyes and leant into Eddie’s touch. It had been a long time since someone had caressed his face like that.

“Buck?” Eddie whispered.

“Mmm, yeah Eds?” Buck asked, opening his eyes to see that Eddie had moved even closer to him.

“I think you should be alone with me,” Eddie leant in, his face inches from Buck’s.

“Uhh,” Buck’s breathing hitched, “But then we wouldn’t be alone.”

“Exactly,” Eddie mumbled, pressing his lips to Buck’s. It lasted all of six seconds before Buck pulled away, shaking his head.

“What is happening here?” he asked, the confusion clear on his face.

“Oh shit. Buck, I’m so sorry,” Eddie pulled back, “I shouldn’t have done that, I’ll go.”

He went to stand up but Buck stopped him, circling Eddie’s wrist with his hand and drawing the other man back down to the couch.

“Please don’t. Stay,” Buck begged, not wanting Eddie to leave, especially after that, “I’m just confused. Was this meant to make me feel better?”

“Yeah… I mean, no. I just,” Eddie sighed, letting out the breath he’d been holding, “Maybe this isn’t the right time, I’m sorry. I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you while you’re feeling so low or just saying something to make you happy. I like you. Like I really like you, to a point where I’m pretty sure it’s more than that. I love you, Evan.”

“Really? Are you sure you’re not just saying that because I’m sad?” Buck asked, his heart beating faster than it ever had. He has to make sure this was real, that it wasn’t Eddie just trying to give him some kind of false hope. Eddie gave him an easy smile, a tender look in his eyes.

“Yeah, Evan, really.”

The use of his first name was new, Eddie had never called him by it. However, in this moment, it felt right and Buck liked the way his name sounded coming from Eddie’s lips.

“I love you too, Edmundo. Have for a long time. So please don’t go, don’t leave me.”

At that moment, Eddie moved even closer to Buck and reached for one of his hands, lacing their fingers together. He took Buck’s face in his other hand, pulling him closer.

“I won’t, I promise,” Eddie murmured, his lips against Buck’s. Buck kissed him, Eddie’s lips soft against his own. He had thought about this moment for a long time, never thinking it would happen. Buck pulled Eddie closer, deepening the kiss as he did which made the other man moan.

Eddie kept his promise. He stayed and, in the morning, Buck woke to a shirtless Eddie in his bed and a smile on his face. Buck lay there for a few moments, taking in everything that happened in the past couple of weeks.

“What are you thinking about?” Eddie asked, his voice raspy as he wiped away the sleep from his eyes.

Buck hadn’t even noticed he’d woken up, so consumed in his own thoughts. Eddie rolled onto this side, head in his hand and was looking down at Buck.

“This past week. Losing Red. Being an ass to the team because I was so caught up in my own crap,” Buck admitted. He looked up at Eddie and winked, “Then you and last night.”

“I meant every word I said.”

“Thank you,” Buck smiled, his hand reaching up to touch Eddie’s face, “I feel very loved.”

“Because you _are_ loved Buck,” Eddie leant down, pressing a kiss to Buck’s lips.

“I know.”

“What do you say we hang out here for a while, then we go out for some food,” Eddie started to say.

“Like a date?” Buck cut in, excitement in his voice.

“Yeah,” Eddie laughed, “A date. Then we’ll go pick Chris up from the party this afternoon and you can come back to mine. Chris would love to see you. We’ll make our own tacos, have some ice cream sundaes, watch a movie and then you can stay the night. With me. For however long you want until you get sick of me.”

“Hmm so until tomorrow?” Buck joked, rolling onto his side to face Eddie.

“I was thinking forever but it’s up to you,” Eddie laughed.

“You wouldn’t want me around forever,” Buck said, self-conscious now. Eddie took his head out of his hand, letting his head fall to the pillow. He wrapped his arm around Buck’s waist to pull him closer, their bare chests touching.

“I know what I want, Evan. That’s you. I love you.”

The way Eddie looked at Buck was one that made Buck’s heart fill with joy. These past couple weeks he’d been so down but with one look from Eddie, he knew he was loved. He knew there was someone who was going to love him like no one else ever had before.

“I love you, too.”


End file.
